Nursing my Babies

Well, I sit here with a sad little heart.  My sweet baby, Haven has stopped nursing.  She just up and stopped 2 days ago, and this mama's heart was not ready for it. But here we sit.  I'm praying it's not over yet.  I've heard of the lovely 'nursing strike', but I just really wonder if this is the end.  :-(  Before I continue with Haven, I need to write out some back ground and history.  Therapy for me.  Feel free to join in on my session.  :-)

sweet sleep after nursing

When I first thought about breastfeeding my children, it kind of freaked me out.  I thought it was sweet, but it also embarrassed me.  Shouldn't 'those things' be kept private?  And I 'just knew' that my baby would never be nursing after a year old! That's was waaaaaayyy too old (in my naive mind). (My goal for Haven is to nurse until she is 18 months- we'll see!)  I remember someone saying to me - 'If a baby nurses after he/she is one, then it is for the mother's pleasure only.'  Well, that statement, my friends, just ain't true.  There is no 'sexual pleasure' in it.  Just a very sweet and special bond (that is if there isn't problems - which I know many women have.  I never experienced any major ones, so i can't really speak to that).  Anyway, I'm not trying to cover all bases of nursing- just pouring out my heart on my own experience.

After I had Harper, I learned a little bit more about breastfeeding.  Definitely learned how sweet it was!  I remember calling my mom after Harper's 4 month doctor visit and saying how big she was, and that I couldn't believe she was growing on what my body produced alone!  It was such a miracle! I truly was in awe! At this point, I had stopped reading/ being educated about breastfeeding and just did my thing.  Harper wasn't sleeping well (which is ok for a breastfed baby & happens when they go through a growth spurt), but I thought formula would help her.  So, around 6 months old I started supplementing with formula.  She hated it at first, but then slowly became accustomed to it.  I would breastfeed her through the day, then feed her a bottle of formula before bed.  (I realize now, all of this totally affected my milk supply.  Not to mention it totally didn't help her sleep.).  Anyway, around 7 1/2 months, Harper just up and quit nursing - much like Haven is doing now. (Most sources say babies do not just wean themselves before a year old.  When they stop abruptly, it is called a nursing strike)  But, I didn't even know where to look/ research. I just kept upping her formula intake & decreasing nursing sessions - until she just went on strike and would have it no more!

Harper nursing her baby while I nursed mine

When I found out I was expecting #2 (before I knew it was #3 & #4) I started reading about breastfeeding, and how I could conquer this!  I knew how good it was for baby & wanted to provide the best beginning for my little one. Plus, I did miss the bond that came with it!  Well, you can imagine how perplexed I was when I found out there were three babies in my tummy!  My sweet aunt, who was a La Leche League counselor, sent me a great book on how to breastfeed multiples.  In hindsight, I wish I had found someone to help me figure out how to breastfeed the boys in person.  I was truly overwhelmed.  While I did nurse them for 2 months, I was completely worn out and had to throw in the towel just so I could have more time for Harper, who was 17 months old, and Chris!  It was soooo heart-wrenching to make that decision, but I was thoroughly overwhelmed.  I just did what I thought was best.  The boys are so affectionate and loving, and I don't see that they lack any love or affection.  I found an awesome article on how positive formula feeding can be (since I think the breast feeding advocates voice is a teensy bit louder on the internets), and it was refreshing for this desperate mama.  I will see if I can find it.

criss-crossed ankles- a little lady!

Well, when I found out I was expecting Haven, I knew I would breastfeed successfully this time.  When Haven was born, she came out ravenous.  She nursed like a pro right after she was born.  The nurse let her be with me for about 2 hours right  after she was born, and then she took her to get all her measurements &  bath.  After they brought her back to me, Haven nursed for 3 hours straight!  If she had of been my first baby, I think I would have freaked out a little bit.  She never took a pacifier, never had a blanket, it was always just me.  And that delighted my heart.  I provided for her most important needs, and she knew it.  She would just light up whenever she saw me.  (My other children did this same thing, even though they weren't all breastfed, by the way). There was just a very strong bond between Haven and I.

good sleepin!!

So, when she just up and refused (think screaming fit) when I would lay her back in my arms to nurse, I was kind of taken a back.  She did it at bedtime one night.  I rocked her for a bit - no soothing her at all- then laid her in her crib.  I would give her 5ish minutes to cry and then would go try again.  She cried hard for about 2 minutes, then fell asleep.

She nursed like a pro the next morning! Yay!  Then at nap time, she did a little repeat of the night before.  Same thing at bedtime again.  Same thing this morning, same thing at 2 nap times today, and at bed tonight.  Refuse!  Refuse! Refuse!

Tonight I actually tried to trick her into nursing.  I rocked her a little with her head on my shirt.  As she relaxed more and more, I would lay her back little bit by little bit.  She did great until she got to the point where her cheek touched skin, and then she started whimpering, so I sat her back up and just cuddled more.  What in the world?!

So, I'm to the point tonight of just wondering if I let it go and say goodbye. Or do I keep offering to see if this is a 'strike.'   Kellymom says that most babies this age aren't ready to wean yet, that it is most likely a strike, but if you are ready to wean, this would be an easy way to do it.  Well, I'm not ready to wean!  She is my last baby!  I don't want her to grow up, but if this is what is best & what she wants, then I just have to let it go. I mean, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!

 Never would have thought that my sweet, almost 14 month old baby would break my heart!!  I'm going to keep offering & pumping for the next week or so, and if its a no go, I will just say good bye and think about the great start we had!

I love that little girl so much, and just can't believe she is growing up!  I have enjoyed her being a baby soooo much, but babies grow up,  and that is what I want her to do.  She becoming such a sweet little toddler, and is such a sweet little addition to our family. Definitely our Haven 'Joy'!!

Okay, well, this sick Mama needs to go to bed.  We have a busy week ahead of us!  I can't wait to tell you about our surprise we have for Harper!  I will give you a few hints:
1. He's a mouse with big ears.
2.  We have to ride in an airplane
3.  Harper is turning 5!!!
4.  She is going to flip out on Tuesday!

Pray for us over this next week, please?  I'll let you know how Haven is doing.  :-) and how I'm doing. :-)

Night Lovlies~

Mary Lindsey

Healing

Today we were fighting the sickies.We have been since Saturday.  Pink eye + sinus infection + ear infections.  Tonight my throat is on fire and I'm losing my voice.  Time to keep  my mouth shut and start learning other ways to communicate with the kids.  I'd like to think this a gift from God.  To shut my mouth and not break up fights with my voice (stop it Crews!!!), but to use some other methods to get their attention.  Connecting with them- finding their eyes before I just spout off another 'command.'  I think this is going to be a teaching time more for my heart than anything.

Warner and Maverick at the doctor.  This was the best 'cheese' they could muster up.

There were a lot of bad storms last night, and Chris and I didn't get much sleep.  Going into today, I knew it was going to be rough.  But, I fought hard to try and establish peace in our home. (that sentence is totally an oxymoron...fought for peace)  I made cinnamon rolls this morning for the kids (which I didn't eat - will write more on this another day) while we listened to the instrumental praise & worship station on Pandora- all while everyone was cranky.  We played some games, watched Wipe Out (always a Blanton fave), and then everyone took individual baths (luxury) while I worked on laundry .  It was a somewhat nice morning with the occasional outburst of 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! S/HE'S GOT MY TOY!'  By the time lunch time came, I had been serving my family all from me and my ideas and I was empty & filled with the kids' crankiness.

stuffed animal swim thanks to pink eye!

I've been going to a Bible study at our church on Wednesday mornings, and this semester our group has a mentor who is coming to us teach God's word.  I love it because she says she just wants us to learn and lean on God's word and nothing else.  Our homework is list upon lists of scripture that we have to write out by hand...because that is how it can get down into our hearts' better.  Mrs. Jan told us one thing she wished she had done more with her children was to be vulnerable in front of them - not always having the right answer or to be stoic Bible Mama, but real - showing them what it is like to be weak and come before Jesus.  Because that is real life, ya know?

I had to ask for forgiveness at our lunch time prayer because I had been pretty snappy towards everyone.  I asked them to pray for me - that Mommy was having a rough day.  I said an 'out loud' prayer at lunch asking Jesus to be my strength even though I was very tired.  While I didn't feel like I had a 'burst of energy' or anything.  I do think that sharing my heart with the kids endeared our hearts towards each other more.  While far from perfect, we offered a little more patience to each other, ate lunch together, and we all had a nap.

Tomorrow should be some more stretching of myself since I don't have a voice. What are ways you connect with your kids?   (Also, this isn't so much about discipline as it is connecting and re-centering the wild, crazy, and crankies.  Just wanted to make that clear. :))

Snuggly time. Crews and Warner. Oh, and Warner, just like Mama Dot, points at everything with his middle finger.  

Just in case you were wondering.  :-)

Night Lovlies,
 

Renovations

Today we finally took action on working on our house.  For the last, hmmm...3 1/2 years, we have pretty much been in survival mode.  Great & blessed, but none the less survival mode.  If I kept us all alive by the day's end, it was a successful day.  Forget about the home - lets just keep the laundry rotating, food intake up, and nap schedules firm. 

 

So, today, we finally started the beginning of transforming our house and our junk into a home.  :-)  We had an electrician come out and wire our coat closet so it could become our office.  Then, we had him wire and run the cable from our side wall in our living room to above the fire place.  We have hodge podge furniture in there right now, and I'm planning on cleaning it out and simplifying that space so it isn't so chaotic.  There is plenty of chaos with the lively people that fill our home.  We don't need junk to 'chaos-it-up' any more!

Oh, the electrician walked in to our home this morning and there was chocolate o's ceral scattered and ground into the carpet.  I had left the living room in a presentable-ish state when we all went upstairs to get dressed.  One or two of the boys must have escaped & helped themselves and the carpet to their cereal.  Very humbling when the electrician has to 'crunch' his way across your living room floor.  Bless his heart, he vacuumed my den with out even asking before he even started his work.  That's service right there.

 

Part of the chaos - all the coats & bags from the coat closet perched on the kitchen table. 

I will update with pictures later - once we are more complete.

So, I updated all my bloggy stuff.  I finally updated our About Us page.  It hadn't been updated in 2 years.  :-)  I need to add Haven's birth story to our little side column. 

Hmmm, what else? Oh, here's a little something sweet...

Brotherly Love.  These hugs start out sweet, but usually end in tears. 

   Have a good night, lovelies~