While You Wait...

Hi Sweet Friends! 

If there is anyone out there who still reads this blog, I am working on our sweet Haven's birth story.  She arrived healthy and big on December 15th!  I realize she is almost a month old (time, slooowww down!!!) and I still haven't finished it.  I will hunker down one of these days and finish writing it up. (Let me just say, I DID have a VBAC! It was awesome!) I am totally in the nostalgic newborn  phase...all is sappy and I'm so in love with this little girl and with life.  I want to remember every detail from her birth and that is why it is taking me forever to write it!  If you haven't seen my sister's post, here is the link to that.  My post will be much more wordy and less picturey.  But, I do have some extra pics to include that Nancy took of that precious day.  

http://nancyrayphotography.com/2012/01/haven-joys-birthday/

Anyway, I had to pop in today and say a hi-dy ho, and to share this other blog post with you.  It is seriously my favorite blog post about being a mother that I have ever read.  Don't know if its because I'm in that nostaligic newborn phase or what, but as I read it this morning I LOVED everything she had to say!!!  Also, I don't want to lose the link.  So, here it is.  Hope it brings as much encouragement to you as it did to me!!


http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/


 Hope to have our darling girl's birth story finished up in the next week.

Hugs~ 

Checking In

Sweet Friends,

Cannot tell you how much you encouraged me with your comments!  Thank you so much.  I can tell the Lord is gently leading me and transforming me.  I want to stay in a humble position before the Lord.  I am really going to need His help.

So, we reached the 38 week point yesterday.  This is the longest I've ever been pregnant.  Weird.  I've only had Braxton Hicks contractions still. I feel like I'm just waiting for the big moment & am kind of jumpy thinking my water is going to break.

A little story from this past weekend.  So, Friday I had a great nap! I woke up even before all the kids woke up.  I walked down the stairs, stepped down 2, and skied down about 4 to the carpeted landing.  I fell on my knees and caught myself with my hands.  I told my sister I don't know how I didn't topple over. I felt like angels helped steady me.  I'm so thankful I didn't hit my belly, but it was a really hard fall. I hurt my left shoulder from catching myself.  I called my Mom to ask her if I should call my Midwife.  It was after hours at the office, and I just didn't know what to do.  I was worried when I didn't regularly feel baby girl...but, it was her 'nap time.'  She doesn't move much in the late morning or late afternoon. 

Through a couple of phone calls to friends & a mom of a friend who is an RN, I was convinced to call.  By this time I had felt Haven move.  Sooo thankful. I was sure the midwives wouldn't want to see me, but I called anyway. Well, boy was I wrong!  I had to go to the hospital to be observed for 20 hours! Good grief! It was very reassuring to me of how the Lord cares for us. Chris had a 6th grade retreat scheduled for Friday - Saturday, but had lined up everyone & everything in case I were to go into labor.  I called him at 6 pm and told him everything that happened so he was able to work on wrapping things up and joining me. 

My dear friend, Arica was already on her way to stay with me and the kids that evening, so childcare was done.  And my precious friend, JoEllen, picked me up and drove me to the hospital.  Chris was able to get there around 9 that night.  We hung out, and I was monitored relentlessly (oh how I love the sound of her heartbeat!).  The next day, I was finally allowed to eat (hadn't eaten since about 4pm on Friday), and then had an ultrasound to check the placenta.  What the midwives were so worried about (especially in late pregnancy) is placental abruption.  A fall, a car wreck, a hit to the belly can cause the placenta to tear away from the uterus.  Sometimes, it can go unnoticed.  Sometime it won't show up for 72 hours. I just passed 72 hours, and all is still well!  Yay!  They were very very cautious.  I'm thankful for that. 

Over, the course of the hospital visit, I was able to process a lot of stuff.  Things I had been holding up in my heart - fear about the delivery, how big baby is,  getting everything done off my to-do list, if anything is happening at all (or if I will be the only women to stay pregnant forever - doesn't every pregnant woman hit that point sometime?!).  I had a lot of time to think and pray.  I realized that I need not fear anything (why can't I get this?!)  The Lord took care of this little weekend, and I know He will care for us when Haven arrives. 

I had a good talk with one of my midwives about the size of the baby.  She told me Haven was measuring in the 60th percentile at 30 weeks, and it is very unlikely she is going to jump to the 90th percentile in a matter of 8 weeks - especially because I'm not diabetic (thank you Lord!)  Ultrasounds (as some of you encouraged me, too) can even be up to 2 lbs off toward the end of pregnancy, so that was comforting, too.  And, she also told me, that I was not special (:-)) and I would give birth. 

We arrived home Saturday evening and had 2 precious friends come and feed us dinner and bathe the kids.  Since Chris and I were woken up on the hour, every hour at the hospital, we were both exhausted.  This was such a blessing to us!  We love you, Arica and Christine!!  I was so thankful to be at home, in my bed, with our sweet little lovies all around us.  I woke up Sunday with a new resolve and all fear gone.  I have some great plans this week for us - bake cookies, finish decorating the house, Harper's Christmas program, etc.  I'm ready to welcome Haven when God says it's time.  I pray she comes on her own.  And, if she doesn't and she grows to be over 10 lbs, then I am at peace with a c-section.  (Can't be induced because of previous C-section) 

So, I wait!  We will update on her arrival, but appreciate your prayers soooo much - for a healthy mom & baby, for an easy delivery!, for no throwing up (if you've read my blog for a while, you know how much I hate this :-)), for no issues with antibiotics/group b strep (I tested positive this time), for me to contract well after delivery (I had a bit of trouble with this after my c-section with the boys), for other kids to be taken care of, for health of everyone in our family, and anything else the Lord may lay on your heart for us. 

I greatly appreciate your sweet comments and love for our family.  Wish I could hug each one of you in person!  Maybe someday!!

Oh, and Shannon asked if I have a doula - I do have a doula!  She has been so helpful and encouraging already.  I know she is going to help immensely during labor and delivery!

Love to all!

Lots of Learning & 37 weeks

Hey!

Well, I am 37 weeks & 2 days today.  Went to the midwife & saw my favorite girl - Kate.  Let me update on what's going on with me and Haven.  All is well - Praise the Lord!  Haven is head down - yay, but is measuring a full 2 weeks ahead.  So that would be 39 weeks 2 days.  No wonder I get comments like - Dang, you must be havin' twins!!  and Gosh, your baby is big!!  (Had these two lovely comments spoken to me today by strangers).  I had a ultrasound last week @ 36.5 weeks & she 'weighed' in at 8 pounds - yikes!  Ya know how I've been joking that she has a luxury apartment in my womb?  Well, it's true.  I saw her couch and little jacuzzi all set up in there.  I kid, I kid.  But, I do have a ton of extra room and plenty of fluid.  She moves all around still - some days her feet are on my left side, some days on my right.  Her little bottom bumps right up under my belly button.  Tons of room, I tell ya.  So, if I was her, I probably wouldn't bother trying to come out either.   She probably hears all the chaos out here & is thinking, I'll come out when I'm really big so that I can hold my own against those other noisy kids!!  Tonight Warner dropped his sippy cup on the ground and she jumped in my belly.  It was so funny!  Glad she can hear!  Anyway, I would appreciate your prayers that she comes out soon.  I had Harper at 37 weeks 5 days, and she was 7 lbs 11 oz and very healthy. 

Another reason I haven't been blogging much lately is that the Lord has really been taking me through some refining times.  Motherhood is not easy, but it is refining.  Some things He has been teaching me...

- I really want a natural birth/ VBAC not because 'I am woman, hear me roar' but because I have 4 little ones at home and frankly recovery wouldn't be as hard.  I know that God made my body to birth a baby and to recover as well.  My c-section was very hard to recover from - and I had zero complications.  Just the fact that it was surgery made it difficult.  I had an epidural with Harper, and her birth was beautiful.  My back was sore off and on over the next few months where the epidural was placed - nothing horrible, though.  I just know I would be back to 'myself' faster if I just did this au naturale.  However, the Lord has been showing me that even if I do have to have a CS, it will be okay.  This is really out of my control, and becoming a slightly increased possibility to a big and healthy baby!  However, I do not need to fear what type of birth I have or when Haven will make her entrance.  He has this all in His control, in His hands.  He knows the desire of my heart, but I've got to trust that He knows whats best.  I've planned the best that I can.  I've informed myself, and set out to do what I think will be the best for my family.  God may have something different in store, and I have to trust Him for that.    These are some quotes I've read on Twitter the last few days that have really encouraged me:

Faith is having a positive attitude about 

what you can do and 

not worrying at all about what you can't do.  

-Joyce Meyer

 God knows the future. 

You don't. 

So stop worrying and make wise decisions.

Trust Him with the results. 

- Clayton King

- The Lord has also really been refining me through being a mother.  I saw this quote the other day on twitter and it pretty much sums up what the Lord has been bringing to light the last month or so...

You never really know yourself until you see yourself under pressure. 

- Joyce Meyer

I will be honest on here and say that mothering 4 little ones - almost 5 little ones- under the age of 4 is a lot of pressure.  Pressure like none I've ever experienced.  And I wish I could say I'm holding up great!  Piece of cake, no problem!  But, while there is nothing detrimental is going on, I'm really not doing that great of a job. Lots of things came very naturally to me when I had babies.  But now we have entered an age that I feel is quite foreign and I don't really know what to do.  I am seeing very quickly that the foundation of these little lives are all up to me and Chris to lay for them.  I could ignore some things, let some things slip by, but their foundation won't be as solid. 

Now, I know a lot of my frustration (and joy) comes from the fact that I am *big* pregnant right now.  Getting down to meet the eyes of a disobedient little boy or sassy little girl is about impossible.  I've tried, but fail at consistency, and that frustrates me- causing the pressure to build.  Little ones desperately need consistency.  Not perfection, just to know boundaries.  Boundary lines are drawn with consistency.  I have not been offering this to them.

They not only need consistent boundary lines, but they need consistent love as well.  I know they love me because they forgive so quickly and love whole-heartedly.  I want the house to be happy, content, loving, secure and I realize that tone is set by me.  Afternoons and meal times have become a major stresser for me, and I let that show too quickly.  Not the vision of love and security I envisioned for my home.  I raise my voice too often and shoo them out of the kitchen too much.   I have 4 toddlers.  Toddlers = picky = lots of food discarded =  frustrated mama.  I care about their nutrition, and seriously am sometimes at a loss.  I don't know if I should just serve what they will eat so food won't be wasted, or just take the chance that lots of food will be wasted, but at least they have new and different things placed before them to try.  Any suggestions? 

Even though I have been very discouraged in my mothering skills as of late, the Lord has heard lots of my prayers and has brought me some great encouragement via books.  No, I don't have tons of time to read, but I am so desperate to change my yucky, non consistent, loose-my-mind-at-dinner-time ways that I find time to read.  5 minutes when the kids are happily playing!  20 minutes or so at nap time, a few minutes before bed and voila - I've read about 45 minutes that day!  And I can tell my attitude is changing... not quickly, but it is changing.  I'm learning tools for having little ones and how to mold them effectively.  I'm determined to change and become a better Mom...even if it's painful at times for me.  Some of the books I'm going through bit by bit are:

* Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
* Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
* Shepherding A Child's Heart by Ted Tripp
* Heartfelt Discipline: The Gentle Art of Training and Guiding Your Child by Clay Clarkson
* A Love That Multiplys (The Duggars new book)
* Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic

All of these are really helping shape my role as a mother, give me a guide as to how to raise children who love the Lord  - opposed to just doing what my parents did and crossing my fingers & hoping it works.  Parenting has to be more intentional than that! (Mom and Dad, you did a great job - really you did!)   Oh, and  I realize my children all have free wills, but I am determined to be faithful on my part.  I hope maybe one or all of them can encourage you, too!!

Anyway, I would love your prayers as I continue on this journey - in mothering and in waiting for our 5th child.  Hope this transparent post breaks down any idea that I'm super mom.  I love my babies. I still can't believe I have been blessed with 5 little, sweet and sticky babies in less than 4 years.  I am grateful beyond words, but I need my Lord to change me if I'm going to be an effective Mama.  Oh, and let me know how I can pray for you too.  If only we could encourage each other more!!

Love,